Tuesday, March 23, 2010

"Instant Karma"

That's the name of the House episode I was watching last night that made me sit back and think, most specifically the quote "People don't get what they deserve. They get what they get". While in that case House was trying to prove that karma has nothing to do with a man's child being ill. My logical mind knows that what House said is true but then there's a part of me that believes in karma isn't so sure.
I often ask myself what I did to become infertile. Was it from not listening to my parents as a child, becoming sexually active at a relatively young age or from picking the wrong man to have children with (I love my husband dearly but I married a man that didn't want children). Logically I know that my infertility stems from a hormone disorder, not anything I've ever done.
I also know this is the same logic I need to have in regards to Lex and his Autism diagnosis. I often wonder if things would have been different if I hadn't taken Lor.tab for my severe back pain, had scan after scan on my lungs or the elective induction and subsequent c-section. I know that none of this caused Lex's autism but I can't help to think that my karmic balance is off.
I wish there was something I could do to help balance the scales but if there's not that has to be fine too. I can't live my life in the what-ifs. There is too much in my life for me to enjoy to dwell on what isn't there.


Logical Mommy said...

I can totally relate to wondering what it was that I did to cause my son to get sick. Different set of circumstances, I know.

A teacher I met who has done research on autism has said that there are large numbers of autistic children born to really ridiculously smart parents, particularly those who are engineers or computer experts. It's as if that gene went the wrong way, but it's still there. My brother-in-law has an autistic son a year older than Lex.

I'm certain that while both you and I will have amazing amounts of trouble with our boys, we will experience so many wonderful things with them.

Some people get plain boys.

Cate said...

Thanks Mol that's so true!