Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Taking every day

I'm trying really hard to take every day as it comes right now and it's really difficult for me. We are still waiting for Autism results from Lex's speech therapist, he was supposed to have them a week ago but the test took longer than he anticipated to grade and then we were supposed to get them on Monday but he canceled Lex's therapy due to a dentist appointment. And while this makes me mad I'm more upset that Lex hasn't had speech therapy in three weeks (he didn't have it the week we did the Autism test, the week after we had a meeting with all the therapists and now this week). Next Monday is his sedated hearing test and I'm nervous as all heck that Monday I will get slammed with "bad" news. I don't really view it as bad that he may be on the Autism spectrum and have limited hearing but just as another hurdle that we'll have to leap.

It probably doesn't help that my little angel has been more of a devil than anything right now and I just want to put him to bed the instant he gets home from daycare just to keep him out of things. The kicker is he knows he's being naughty because as soon as I finish punishing him he's right back to what he was doing with a great big smile on his face. This weekend I thought his extra naughty nature was just due to him running a fever all weekend and feeling like crap but Sunday when the fever broke the naughtiness just continued. Time outs and distractions are just not cutting it so I'm at a loss.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

When it rains it pours

Please don't take this as a "poor me" post as that's not what I've meant it to be but I just need to vent some frustrations and what better place than my own blog?

We'll start with yesterday. I went to my doctor's office in the morning to have some moles evaluated and on my home my car started to act up, it smoked a little and the battery light kicked on. I was hoping that it would last until Friday so Nate could take it to the shop and be checked over.

Lex's speech therapist asked us at the end of the session if he could test Lex for Autism next Monday when he comes to see Lex. And while I know that it won't change Lex it'll just give him more help through the Birth to 3 program it was incredibly hard to hear that my boy could be anything less than perfect.

Today Lex had a follow up hearing test and visit with the ENT after the placement of his tubes. His ears looked great and the tympanogram was perfect. He did not pass the hearing test like we hoped. He did better than last time he did a hearing test but it was not well enough to cancel the sedated test we have scheduled for February first. We may still have another awake test before then but we'll see how the scheduling goes at the ENT/Audiology office.

After the disappointing visit at the ENT office Nate dropped me off at work and on his way home with Lex our car died. The power went off and he didn't even make it off the highway. Thankfully some kind soul pulled over when he saw Nate and Lex on the side of the road and gave them a ride to Nate's favorite store where he called my mom and she came to get them and kindly paid for our car to be towed to a shop (we are incredibly lucky to have such wonderful parents who understand we couldn't pay for it between Nate's loss of employment and my payday not being until Friday). The shop found the problem relatively quickly, the alternator we replaced 3 months ago froze up and needs to be replaced. The silver lining is the part is under warranty and the shop can replace it for just the cost of labor.

With all this stress and some anxiety about Lex's future (I know better than to worry but I can't help it) I have decided that when I see my doc to have two moles removed I may ask him about an antidepressant as I suspect that's the source of my insomnia. I may have to ask him about something for my neck/shoulders too since I carried Lex around a lot of today and even with my muscle relaxer and a heat pad they are really sore and generally miserable.

Even with all this I am pretty lucky. My son is healthy and happy, I have a wonderful family, amazing friends and a husband that loves me. Money can be tight and life can throw me curve balls all it wants I'm still blessed.

Friday, January 1, 2010


We welcomed 2010 just over 12 hours ago and that's given me some time to think about what I would like to work on this year.

Myself - I need to lose 40lbs to reach my healthy weight and I know I have it in me to do it. Just in the last 6 months I've lost 28lbs. So now I really need to pay attention to what I'm putting in my mouth and put myself first to make sure I get the exercise my body needs.

Lex - I need to focus on teaching him the words he needs in the ways he needs me to teach him. Lex's sensory problems means he doesn't get auditory information in they way I do so I'm always looking for new ways to teach him. I have to keep being an advocate for him when it comes to his therapies and looking for new ways to reach him.

Work - I have to stop looking at work as work and more as a place I go to help people. I work in a clinic so that isn't hard to imagine. I have to keep the smile on my face.

Family - I haven't always been the best daughter/sister/granddaughter or wife so I need to start seeing what I can do to help my family.