Friday, May 30, 2008

Bring on Aunt Flo

I'm so tired of this cycle. I'm on cycle day 68 and I've started progesterone supplements but based on my chart they haven't really been working (no temp jump when it was expected). I'm almost tempted to go back on birth control. The only thing stopping me is wanting to see the endocrinologist and I'm sure that will entail some blood tests to check hormone levels.

Why can't my body just work the way it's supposed to? You'd think after 12 or so years of scanty periods, hair growing where I don't want it to and then 6 years of fighting with my weight I'd be used to this but it's so damn frustrating. All I want is to ovulate and have normal periods like normal women do. I don't even necessarily want to conceive now (I do but know we have to wait for a while for our finances to balance out and Nate to complete some of his education) but knowing that things work would make me feel better.

I feel like such a bitch complaining about this when I have friends who haven't conceived yet and are awaiting that blessed child but sometimes I just need to have these feelings come out because otherwise I will spend my "alone" time crying over my broken pituitary gland (I assume it's broken because I'm prediabetic and subclinical hypothyroid in addition to the pcos).

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Neeeeeddddd sssssssslllleeeeppppp

That's me in my best zombie voice. Can someone explain to my darling son that just because the sun is up at 5:30 am doesn't mean he has to be? I'm trying to figure out ways to get him to sleep later because today was supposed to be the day I got to sleep in a bit (as much as 7 am is sleeping in) since I don't have to be to work until 10. He keeps moving his bedtime forward and thus his wake up time. Before he'd go to bed at nine and not get up until 8 and that was wonderful. Then it was go to bed at 8:30ish and get up at 7:30ish which was fine. But now he's moved bedtime to 7:30 with a 5:30 wake up time and Mommy isn't doing so great with that. It's not so bad on days when I have to be up at 5:30 to get up for work but seriously I will be up for far too long by time I get off work, dinner in me and finally doze off. If any one has ideas for me feel free to post a comment I would love some help.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Long long days

I'm going to have some seriously long days coming up. I'm working at my "home" clinic this week learning urgent care up there and to cover for one of the clinical assistants. I'll end up with just shy of 40 hours in the 4 days I'm up there. And then I come home to do housework. I'll admit Nate's been better at helping but there are days when I still come home and dread walking in the door because I know I'll find a mess, or a baby that is crabby and still in yesterday's clothes or last night's jammies. I know they don't go out during the day for the most part but still he should be put in a clean onesie.

I'm kind of annoyed. Nate called the endocrinology office for me to see if I could get an appointment and they only see patients on referral... okay that's all well and good but the doc that would be doing the referring will not be the doc recieving the results. I want to discuss with a physician what I can do about my pcos and actually have that doc know what pcos is. Also someone who may pay more attention to my prediabetes and subclinical hypothyroidism as related to my pcos. I'll have to discuss with Dr. Vick about getting me the referral next week when I see her. Hopefully she'll be willing to do that even though I don't know who my new doc will be... I have a few options but I'm not sure who I want to chose. I kind of look at it as who would I want to come see me when I have my next baby (not likely to deliver since it would be a c-section) and who I feel comfortable with taking over Lex's care.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Got cats?

Anyone want some cats? I am seriously ready to be rid of at least two if not three of my cats. The girls annoy me to no end and Ozzy does on a regular basis. I know I wanted them in the first place but I'm losing sleep from them racing around, sleeping next to my face and puking at night. I love them dearly I'm just going insane.

Catching up

Since I moved Lex's blog over I figured I may as well move mine. So just like I did with his I will be copying and pasting from my old blog over here so as to catch up. This one is going to be a little long...

Saturday, May 24, 2008

New plan

As of July 1st I will have a new doctor as Dr. Vick is graduating. I'm hoping that before that happens I can get her to refer me to an endocrinologist (a person who deals with hormones) if nothing else but for my pcos. I tried asking her about starting some meds to help control my blood sugar and she simply said that they wouldn't treat me until I have full blown diabetes, which I find bull but whatever. She said they would work on my diet and exercise first... I've been doing that with very little to no effect because I crave carbs... my body demands them. If I don't have them on a regular basis I get crabby and mean... and as much as I need/want to lose weight it's just not worth it to me to alienate my family to lose 5-10 pounds. Besides I don't think she understands that I'm losing fertility by the day... I want to have another baby before Lex is in school, I want to be a mommy again even if Nate doesn't understand that.

Friday, May 16, 2008


I'm incredibly happy for two reasons. The first being one of my online friends getting a much deserved bfp. She is already a wonderful mother but she has longed for this little one for a long time. I can only hope this bean is sticky and she doesn't have to endure the hardship of a miscarriage.

Secondly, Nate has said that if we get a house when we move and we finish paying off the car shortly thereafter we can start trying again. I can't wait to start trying again. I love being a mommy. It's honestly the best feeling in the world to have this little guy who smiles when he sees me and needs me. He's my doll. Although if we are so blessed as to concieve again I would hope for another boy. Lex has been such a happy addition to our little family and I know what to expect from boys. I wouldn't mind a girl since I know my mom would be so excited for a granddaughter but I would be incredibly happy to have to messy, loud, tough little boys running around.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Can't wait

Tuesday I start my new job at Miller Creek. I can't wait! I'll be a clinical assistant in urgent care and a float for a couple of the other clinics, it'll be so nice to use my education, even though I don't technically graduate until the end of the week.

Things have been going well for the most part. I am completely off my antidepressants from postpartum and I have decided to stop all but my allergy meds and vitamins. It's nice not taking a half dozen pills every night with dinner. I'm still having problems with my hands and wrists hurting so I am starting hand therapy this week, hopefully that helps. I also have got to start really losing weight since I've been having a lot of back problems not to mention finding out I'm prediabetic.

Tomorrow is Nate's meeting with Dr. Avello, the gastroenterologist, to discuss his liver problems and what steps he'd like to take next. We are pretty sure it's going to be at least a biopsy and maybe a couple of other tests. I worry about Nate but at least this is getting taken care of.

I can't believe my little Lexy Lex is going to be 7 months old this week. It just seems like yesterday I was bringing him home and spending my nights awake with him. Now he sleeps all night, eats pureed baby food like a champ and is starting to use sippy cups for the bulk of his formula feedings. He has learned to army crawl and I've caught him trying to say dada a few times (he makes the motion but doesn't make noise). I love being his mommy, I don't know where I would be if we didn't have him to brighten my days.

We found out the city has approved a plan to buy out the houses in my neighborhood to expand the business district and my landlord is seriously thinking about selling. This means we'll be moving sometime in the near future. Nate was doing some research and it appears that the state has programs that because we are being displaced could get us into a house of our own. There is one not far from my mom's that I would love to move into. The floor plan is almost identical to my mom's and it would be perfect for us. But we'll have to see what is offered to us when the time comes.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

I did it!

I'm finished with school completely! I just have to pick up my final transcript next week. I also got a job today. I will be working as a float for Miller Creek Clinic, the pediatrics office and cardiology. It's guaranteed hours which excites me to no end as I've been an unscheduled for over a year now and would LOVE being almost full time.

Lex has been a doll the past couple of weeks. He has two teeth now working their way up but since they are above his gumline he is more cheerful. I'm already thinking up plans for his first birthday, even though it's still 6 months away. I know we are probably going to have 2 parties one up here and one in the cities so that both sides of the family can be involved without overwhelming him.

I can't wait for the federal rebate check to come. We are planning to get into the gym just down the block from us (so much more convienent than driving up to the one at the hospital) and getting Lex an exersaucer which would be fun for him. It would also keep my lil man from rolling under the couch where he could possibly get hurt.

My birthday is coming up (as is Nate's) the big two-five. And the weekend after it is my first mother's day which is so nice. The only problem is right now I'm scheduled to work, we'll see what the new position does to that schedule...

Friday, March 28, 2008

Been a long time

I've been slacking on my blogging lately, even on myspace so I should probably do some catch-up. I'm currently working 40+ hours doing my externship at Mariner clinic. I'm really enjoying myself there and sincerely hope I get a position there, even if it's unscheduled. I had my mid-term evaluation on Tuesday and my supervisor said I'm exceeding all expectations and doing a really great job. All the people I've worked with agree and keep telling me I'm hired. Katie, the CMA I'm working with in family practice, said she has no doubts I will do fine on my CMA exam in June since I'm doing so well at the clinic.

Nate went in for a CT scan last week due to elevated liver enzymes for more than 9 months and it turns out he has some fatty infiltrate on his liver. We have to wait for some more testing but this could be Fatty Liver Disease (FLD). FLD can lead to cancer or cirrhosis if it's not controlled. He needs to change his diet and start exercising according to his doctor. He's having more blood work tomorrow to check some other things and after that comes back he's being referred to Dr. Avello, a gastroenterologist at our hospital, for a probable liver biopsy and a possible small intestine biopsy. I know he's really scared about it being cancer even though he jokes about it and laughs. I am concerned too but I realize the likelihood that it's cancer is pretty low and even if it's cancerous there is a quite a bit they can do before it becomes fatal. I hope though it's just FLD and he can get his diet and exercise under control.

In my health I'm prediabetic. I had my doctor order a blood glucose and a hemoglobin a1C because I wanted to go off metformin and she agreed. Tuesday I went in and Wednesday I got the results. My hemoglobin a1C was 4.6 which is at the higher end of normal but is normal. My glucose was 104, fasting, which puts me in the prediabetic category. I really need to improve my diet and exercise habits to keep me from becoming diabetic. I am going to be rechecked in three months.

Lex is at Linn's right now and it's taking all my energy not to call down there and see how he's doing. It's my first night away from him since he was born. I know she'll take good care of him but he's still my bubby and I hate being away from him.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

I don't understand

There is one part of me that I don't understand... the part that makes the excuse to not work out. I don't just feel good after working out I feel great, I like the world has been lifted off my shoulders and I can face the next day with a new outlook. But even with that feeling I find myself thinking about all the stuff I should do instead of working out or excuses as to why I can't go. Usually these excuses are just dumb, Nate can take care of Lex, dishes and cat boxes can wait until I get home and yet I end up dwelling on them. I've already informed Nate that I want to workout tonight so I'm sure he'll push me to do it but I still have excuses running through my head. The really dumb thing is I could be doing the chores that I'm making excuses for right now....

Thursday, February 21, 2008

The pain is awful

I don't know what's going on with my body but for more than a week I've been in pretty nasty pain, mostly abdominal. I would think it's either cysts or a bladder/kidney infection but I'm not sure. I really don't want to go to the doctor or ER for it because I don't think they'll do anything for it. Dr. Vick changed my birth control to prevent the mid cycle bleeding I was having so I'm grateful for that but I wish there was something she could do for this abdominal pain. I'm tired of hurting and feeling like I want to cry.

Last night I took Lex with me to the roller rink. It was nice to go skating again but a little sad at the same time. Rick and Theresa were there but they weren't running things which I'm so used to them doing. Instead Rick's brother and sister (who never helped him run things when he was managing the rink) were doing it. Lex seemed to have fun until he got tired. I pushed him in a little stroller, only a few years and he'll be able to run all over on his own.

I had my informational interview for Mariner yesterday. It sounds like I'll be very busy during my externship but that's great. I'm hoping to get it done and get a real job quickly.

There is something I don't understand and maybe I'm just expecting too much but when Nate has the day off from work I would think he'd like to spend some time with me and Lex but today he has spent just about the whole day in front of his computer. I know he needs time to unwind but we rarely see each other since we work opposite schedules and when he gets home from work Lex and I are almost always sleeping. I don't expect him to do much for chores (in fact I've taken his chores over so he doesn't have to do anything except make dinner when we are both home).