The best feeling

The best feeling in the world (next to the way I feel when Lex comes running up to me and gives me kisses after daycare) is how I feel after working out. Now I know the wii isn't going to give me as good of a workout as say going to the gym would but with how out of shape I am (no regular exercise in a good 3-5 years) it definitely helps. The next step is to work on my eating habits as I am totally addicted to sugar and caffeine. Food journal here I come.

I love Wii Fit!

My darling hubby got us a Wii and hunted down a wii fit for me and I love it! I've tried workout video games in the past and haven't been a fan but the wii fit is different in that it can tell how out of balance you are and it checks your weight and does fitness tests every day you use it. I had to laugh at it though because during one of the leg exercises it told me I was a "fitness enthusiast", and anyone who has seen a picture of my round body would know otherwise. I just happen to have pretty strong legs due to all the years of skating. If I could find a sitter for Wednesday nights I would probably hit up the roller derby practices and try to join that but I would want someone to go with me since I get kind of nervous in newer situations.

Our car is currently in the shop for a broken timing belt, it's been there since Friday and we were hoping to get it back today but since the shop closed a half hour ago it's obvious we aren't. So it looks like I'm taking a cab to Lex's daycare and then my work and hopefully we'll have it back by the end of the day so Nate can pick me up after work. If not we have two options, another cab ride or I can take the bus down to Lex's daycare and see if my parents can drop us off (they live 3 blocks from daycare) or do the bus and just use either a stroller or my moby wrap to carry him home if the weather isn't too cold.

I should log off and go cook dinner even if I'm not hungry the boys might be.

Nothing on the u/s

I had absolutely no follicles just my usual small cysts. This is incredibly frustrating.

After much thought and some discussion with Nate we've decided to hold off on further treatment until approximately Lex's birthday (October) in hopes that I can lose some weight and get healthy so that the process might be easier and then a subsequent pregnancy will be healthier than one would be right now. This also gives us time to set up a little savings to pay for treatment and hopefully a house.

The current plan of action involves me seeing my doctor in two weeks to discuss weight loss options. I am fully aware that I need to eat healthier and get my lard butt off the couch more but even when I do these things I have a harder time losing weight so I'm going to see what she can recommend. I've also asked Nate to buy me an ip.od (or some good mp3 player) and he plans on getting W.ii f.it with our tax re.turn.

So in the meantime I'm spreading my baby dust stores to all my friends who can use it.

Follie Check Tomorrow

Keep your fingers crossed for me! I've been using my monitor and it's still reading low so I called my dr's office and asked to have a follie check to see if anything is even growing from the femara. We are also supposed to do a post-coital test. I hope some follies are growing, I would hate to have this cycle be a wash.

Don't know what to do

I've hit the brickwall that comes when I ttc. I don't know if I want to continue or if I want to give up. I know we are only on our second cycle of medicated cycles but waking up everyday and peeing on the stick for the monitor and seeing the low reading pop up is heartbreaking. I want so much to be pregnant one more time and for Lex to have a younger sibling but deep down I keep thinking it'll never happen. It doesn't help that my sex drive has been in the crapper for years and isn't getting any better. Trying to convince myself to have sex when I don't want to sucks, Nate does it to and it makes me resent him. I hate going to work and getting upset when I see the pregnant girl I work with, it's not her fault my body doesn't work, it's not her fault that despite the fact she smokes and is highly stressed that her body works the way it's supposed to and I just need to get over it.

I guess today I'm just down in the dumps. Lex didn't sleep so well last night, I got a call chewing me out first thing this morning (I was apparently supposed to work but I don't look at my float schedule unless they send me one and I haven't gotten one in a month) and I just in general feel under the weather and the actual weather doesn't help, it's warmer (upper 30's) but it's raining so I can't even just get Lex out in the stroller.

Next Sunday is my 7 year anniversary of when Nate and I started dating, I can't believe it's been that long...

**Update**
I've come to a decision for ttcing. When I'm done with femara we'll re-evaluate how I'm feeling. I'm not temping anymore, just using my monitor. Hopefully this slightly laidback approach helps how I'm feeling.

Confident in our decision.

I am sooooo glad we switched daycares! Lex took off running when we dropped him off, the staff is super nice and we get a communication slip everyday that tells me how many diapers, how much he ate, when he took a nap and even if they played with something messy (today was cool whip and he has the sticky hair to prove it). He was napping when I picked him up and he looked so comfortable there in his little sleeping bag.

He's going for a full day tomorrow so we won't interrupt his naptime.

Some good news...

Lex starts at a new daycare tomorrow and I have the jitters about it again, I know he'll do just fine, he's a very outgoing little boy and in a room full of girls he'll be the mac daddy. :) He's only going for a half day tomorrow since that's what I work but I'm sure he'll enjoy his time there.

I had my annual physical today with my favorite doc. She ran through the usual stuff about my weight and getting more exercise but since she's a mom she said anything is better than nothing, rather than pushing the 30 minute minimum and then came the normal exam. She said she could barely see the scar from my c-section which is good I always wonder about it but with my big ole belly in the way I can't see it. She noted that my uterus felt a little large but since I just had AF a couple days ago that could be the cause. She didn't know anything about the CT scan I had so she had to find the results. Turns out I have a deviated septum, the opening to my right sinus is much smaller than it should be and I still have inflamation and a minor infection. We decided not to treat the infection further unless it becomes a problem later on. She will give me a referral down the road to get my septum repaired since I want to hold off until after we have another baby.

I was able to make it to my grandfather's funeral. Nate stayed home with Lex so I could attend, thankfully his teachers were understanding of the situation.

I should fold clothes and head to bed, gotta get up in a couple hours to pick up Nate from work.