Wishing

It's another dreary day here in Souptown but at least it's finally raining like we needed. Normally on dreary days I like to curl up and catch up on my friends' blogs and sometimes even comment (I really am horrible at commenting I can't think of things to say most times and when I can I often ramble... just like this). I've been using this dreary Saturday to catch up on the housework that was neglected while I was sick this week and to think about things I really wish I could do.

The first thing would be to become better at taking pictures. I really love to take pictures but I lack the talent or skill to take really wonderful pictures. I get lucky here or there but most of my pictures lack the special something that makes them pop. It's not that I don't have a wonderful subject because Lex is so dynamic when it comes to his expressions that no two pictures would ever be the same. I mean just look at this kid.



You can't get much cuter than Lex in the tub except when he's on his trampoline or in the park.



Another thing I wish for is more time with Lex. I get to spend the better part of my time with Lex but I do work around 32 hours a week and most weeks that seems like too much. He is very much a Mama's boy and when we are home together it is mostly just him and I, the way it has been most of his life. We were very lucky for the almost the first year of his life Nate and I worked opposite schedules so someone would almost always be home with Lex or he went to spend time with his Nana and Papa (or Grandma and Grandpa if they were in town). At 11 months old he was enrolled in his first daycare because Nate went back to school and I was working almost full time. We are still pretty lucky because he is in a daycare where I know the teachers care about him and the owner of the daycare knows who he is in spite of the large number of kids enrolled there, but I wish there was more opportunity for me to spend time with him.

I wish that rather than kindergarten in a few years we would be doing homeschooling. Don't get me wrong I loved being in public school but with his special needs I tend to feel that he needs more one on one time to grasp the same things other kids get quickly. He's very smart but terribly strong willed. I can tell him 3 dozen times that it is not alright to climb on the tv stand and remove him every time and try to redirect him (punishments do not typically work, he doesn't really grasp why he's being put in a corner and I do not believe in spanking him unless it's absolutely called for, ie endangering his limb or life) but he will keep doing it until he's bored of it. Who knows when we start working with the school district this fall for his speech and occupational therapy I may change my mind completely, it's been known to happen.

I wish I had the capability to teach his daycare teachers what works and what doesn't for him. They are really struggling with Lex because he is not the typical 2 year old but he has a lot of the same mentality of a terrible 2. Developmentally he is roughly 18 months old even if physically he is 2 1/2 years. The move back down to the 18 - 23 month classroom with be good for him and better for his teachers. Miss Dani and Miss Lisa are very familiar with Lex and he loves them immensely. Miss Lisa has been pulled in the past to coax him down for a nap so I'm sure he'll be much more comfortable when he gets back to that room.

There are only two more things that I wish for, one that's highly unlikely and one that will probably happen down the road. The first is to have at least one more child, this is the unlikely one. My PCOS seems more out of control than before I had Lex and it's just not financially feasible to spend the amount of money we spent conceiving Lex given all the speech and occupational therapy bills we have to pay. Not to mention my desire to go back to school to become an M.D. The second thing I wish for is a dishwasher... I know it's ridiculous but good grief I hate washing dishes and sippy cups are the worst. Our sink in our apartment makes doing dishes particularly awful given that it is very shallow and only has one bowl to it.

I love being Mommy!

I know I complain and lament about our difficulties a lot on here so I thought it was time to post about the good things in my life.

I love being a mommy because:

• every morning I wake up to the sounds a building blocks clicking together and Lex "talking" to himself.
• I get to snuggle with an adorable boy pretty much anytime I'd like.
• every day is an adventure.
• every evening I get a hug from a freshly clean boy straight out of the tub.
• running around the apartment giggling and roaring like a dinosaur is a great aerobic activity.
• sharing half of everything I want to eat is a great way to cut calories.
• I'm happier more often.
• it's not so odd to have a Pix.ar movie on to enjoy.
• I can get super cute kid related checks and everyone understands why I have Light.ening Mc.Queen on them.
• I laugh at least 50 times a day.
• shopping is no longer a chore, but an adventure to see how fast we can get done or how much Lex has added to the cart (where did the 6 boxes of animal crackers come from???)
• I get to enjoy new words or activities on a regular basis.
• a date at Mc.Dona.ld's with my boy is the best way to end a long work day.

While I do have a hard time remembering to be happy some days because of Lex's limitations I also have so many more reasons to be happy. As far as we know right now he'll be moving back to the 18-23 month classroom by May. I think this is the best first step for him right now. His teachers in that room were more than willing to have him back and they are really his two favorite teachers in the daycare. I'm also looking into further intervention services or a personal care assistant for him. I don't know what the school district will be providing him when turns 3 but I should be finding out some of that information in a few weeks since they will be evaluating him in May. Lex's speech therapist has yet to send his recommendation for the autism diagnosis to Lex's doctor but she and I have been discussing it lately and she will most definitely be signing off on the diagnosis and said any services we need her to sign off on or any referrals we want she will do. She's the primary doctor I work with at the clinic so we are pretty lucky to have such a good relationship with her.

I wish I knew

I'm feeling really stuck now with Lex and the situation at daycare. Recently we've been getting periodic calls about Lex's behavior at daycare, he's hitting, pulling hair, biting and all around just causing trouble. I try to give recommendations but today it came to a head. Nate received a call asking to have a meeting set up to discuss Lex, his behaviors and what can be done with the whole situation. After much discussion the plan is to try moving him back to the 18-23 month room and see how he does there since there are fewer kids and a slower pace. While I feel that this decision is pretty good I'm worried that I'm not making enough strides to help him. I really do like his daycare and the teachers in the room he's in now aren't bad but I can't help but wonder if maybe pulling him from that daycare and putting him in a home based one where the limit on children is lower would be best for him overall. The main downside I see to that is the likelihood of him being too much for one person to handle is higher (each of his daycare classrooms now have at least 2 teachers). I want to do what's best for my family and taking care of my son but I really have no idea what that is right now. I can see why when a child is diagnosed with autism sometimes parents quit working... if that was only an option.