So torn

I found out earlier this week that my eldest niece is currently expecting her first child and while I am happy and excited for her and her fiance, I'm also upset. Anyone who has dealt with infertility knows what I'm talking about, you can be so happy for the person expecting the blessing but you still have the thought "why not me?" and you have a hard time with that mixed emotion. I also worry about her, she just started college, she has a wedding to plan and there are some other concerns I'd rather not write about. Going to college and being pregnant was incredibly difficult and I had a one year program, I don't know how long her program is. I hear she has really bad morning sickness and although mine was bad I had been lucky in that my teachers understood, Nate spoiled me rotten and I had prescriptions for anti-nausea pills. I wish I could be down there for her, maybe that would be more therapeutic for me being there for her and my future great-niece/nephew (I for the record think she's having a girl...)