Monday, November 24, 2008

Airing it out

This is a vent yet again about my craptastical luck when it comes to trying to get pregnant so if you don't want to read it I understand go ahead and skip over. If you are one of my beautiful pregnant friends please do not take any offense as I could not be any happier that you are being blessed with a child (be it your first or your fourth).

PCOS sucks monkey balls! I am on cycle day 49, my chart claims to be 11dpo and I just ~know~ tomorrow will be yet another negative test. Everywhere I look there are pregnant women, in my family in my friendships and most definitely at work (the downfall of working for a family practice doctor and knowing I'll be covering another maternity leave starting in January). I'm pissed off that my cycles are 2-4 times longer than a "normal" woman's, I'm pissed off that I don't seem to ovulate without much assistance. I'm pissed off that I have next to no libido and never feel attractive because of the damn extra weight and hair that PCOS has packed on my body. I'm pissed off that I can't let myself have the optimism that Lex will be a big brother in the near future, simply because I know how long it took get pregnant, stay pregnant and have my son. All I've ever wanted was to be the mother of 3 children, a mother like my mom was. I've comprimised with Nate that we'll have just 2 and I can only hope I'll be as good as my mom was. I'm frustrated that I can't feel happy for my friends that are pregnant without feeling that pang of jealousy and thinking "how come it was so easy for them? Why can't I get pregnant that fast?" I'm tired of crying myself to sleep over something that should not consume my life so much. And even though I'm not alone I feel that way so much right now. Bear with me my friends, one day I'll either give up or get pregnant and won't be such an annoying whiner...

5 comments:

Sarah R said...

I am so sorry, Cate. If it helps any, I hope all the time for you! I want to come one here one day soon and see that you have your positive! I understand where you're coming from and won't take offense if you need a break from me or my blog.

Lots of hugs and baby dust to you!

Oh, my best friend at work has PCOS too, and she has 3 children, so there is some hope! She used fertility drugs with the first 2 and the 3rd one was natural. She has 35-50 day cycles too.

Sarah R said...

Muah...I love ya, hon. (((((Cate))))))

Do you have a link to a chart I can stalk?

Sarah R said...

I'm thinking girl, but I'd be happy with either. A plus is if it's a boy, all the clothes will exactly match the seasons. DH wants a boy too! Honestly, I'll take either. :)

Shauna said...

Big big (((((HUGS))))) Cate.

Shauna said...

Cate, are you still around? Where have you disapeared to?