Stress does a lot of bad things to me, always has. When I was in college I would get chest pain on days that were particularly stressful. When I would float out to clinics I wasn't familiar with I would have panic attacks. I've always had problems with my muscles tightening up while under stress and lately that's been my big problem (that and stress eating). As much as I want to lose weight I can't because it hurts to exercise when my back and shoulder muscles are in giant knots and then you add on my massive craving for chocolate when I'm stressed and I've hit a plateau, which of course stresses me out further.
Now you may be asking, "What's stressing you out Cate?" And it's a combination of things, work has been particularly stressful since I'm working all sorts of hours with many different doctors, doing flu shots and just trying to help out where I can.
My home life isn't easy right now. Nate will be losing his job October 30th, he's in school full time and with my goofy hours at work Lex is in daycare more than I like. So money is about to get tighter and expenses aren't getting any lighter.
Then there is Lex's therapy. While Nate and his therapist David feel good about it I worry. Maybe it's just because I'm so over protective of my little boy I worry about how every session is going to be, I worry that we aren't doing enough for him and in the end I worry that he'll never catch up to his peers. I can hear the sympathetic thoughts now, that I shouldn't worry and he has plenty of time but imagine it's your child, wouldn't you worry too. I don't know why I was chosen to have a child that has challenges most of his peers don't have and most days I do feel blessed to have him but some days I wish we could just carry on the back and forth play and "conversations" about what we see. I know when we do hit those milestones I will be incredibly happy but right now it's tough.
I know everyone has their ups and downs and I'm in the downs right now but at least I know there isn't anywhere to go but up.