Thursday, September 30, 2010

End of one road, start of another

Tomorrow is going to suck. Tomorrow I'll be putting my almost 3 year old on a school bus to take him to his first day of special ed pre-k.
I'm sure he'll do great, maybe have a rough start of it but in the end Lex will thrive. He is so adaptive when it comes to play environments and his teacher said that's first and foremost what her classroom is that learning happens naturally when the kids are playing and interacting. I'm excited to see how he handles the transition to "big kid" status. He'll ride the bus to and from school 4 days a week and 3 of those days he'll go right into daycare.
I on the other hand will not do well with this transition. My feelings are so mixed, pride and worry and sadness have become my 3 shadows these days. I'm so proud that Lex will be doing this, that he will take most of this in stride and be a better person for it. Proud to simply be the mom of this amazing little person. I worry that he'll have a rough go of things just like the transition to the 2 year old room at daycare. That he may not work to his potential because he could be stressed out. Lex isn't a big fan of change and this is a pretty big change. I'm really sad to see the end of the baby days nearing. Since he'll be my only child (barring some miracle) it's hard for me to let go of the sweet baby. He hasn't been a baby in almost 2 years, he's been this rough and tumble, mess and monsters kind of boy but I really just want to hold onto him where he is. Every day is a new adventure, he's talking more, dancing, jumping, and being infinitely more affectionate than he ever has been.
I attribute a lot of the new found skills to all the hard work he does, Nate and I working with him and then his wonderful therapists David and Paula being there and being amazing resources. It's hard to imagine we'll be navigating the world of autism and sensory integration dysfunction without them in 2 weeks since they have been our guides but it'll have to be something we do. We know the skills it's just time to apply them.
I'm not ready to start down this new road but I think Lex will grab my hand and pull me along no matter what.