Best part of my day.

Since I know sometimes I can have a hard time seeing the good things in my life I wanted to share the best part of my day.

It wasn't the fact that the doctor I work for wasn't on call. It wasn't that instead of the 19 patients a day we've been seeing we saw 10 out of the 11 scheduled. It wasn't knowing that my brother was picking up his puppy and that meant no more puddles on my floors. It wasn't even the peanut butter bar the doctor I work with bought me.

It was the 10 or so minutes I spent on the floor just cuddling, playing and laughing. I didn't focus on the fact he was doing so well at holding his attention. I didn't focus on the dozen or so finger prints followed by occasional drops of spit on my glasses. Instead I focused on his laugh, so contagious it makes me smile just to think about it. I focused on the kisses that turned into playful bites on my cheeks and shoulders. I focused on what an amazing child he is, how lucky I am to have him and how excited I am to be home with him all day tomorrow, even if I won't feel that way after a full day of trying to keep him and our dog out of trouble. Tonight for that short while it was just about a boy and his mom and their shared joy, laying on the floor, making noises and memories.

Frustrated

Lately I feel like I've been stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Lex has been a bit more difficult than normal because I haven't been getting my mid-day break since he has started the process of quitting his afternoon nap, which makes him crabby by 5pm. He has also figured out that he is big enough to climb out of the tub during bath time. The first couple of times he climbed out of the tub I thought it was very cute but now I'm not terribly fond of the drenched floor and 2 year old streaking through the apartment. I am proud of the fact he's making strides developmentally even if it's not through speech. He has also started using the sign for cup (well his approximation for it) and he's very proud of himself when he signs to me and I jump up to either get him a new cup or refill the one he hands me. Even with the increase of communication he is still throwing tantrums regularly. I know a big part of that is the inability to fully communicate what he wants or needs to us and that's he's 2.

Some days I just want to join him in the tantrum. I've been feeling stressed between the amount of housework, taking care of Lex and going to work that I have to do everyday. I know that I'm not the only one here that can pick up the daily messes, wash dishes and take care of Lex but I am feeling like it's all my responsibility. I go on strike when it comes to housework but I tend to be the first one to give in. I can't handle the clutter and mess, I can't fall asleep with a very messy house.

Another part of my stress is our total state of being broke. No matter what I do we still have several bills that are late, items that we need that we can't afford and having to hope that we don't have a major emergency or that the car won't break down leaving us stranded.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I know that we'll get through this all somehow but right now things are pretty dim.

On a good note both my brothers are currently home. Matt is just visiting and he brought his girlfriend home to meet us all. Karl now lives a block from me and stops in frequently. He also brings his puppy, Chloe, by for us to puppy sit when he goes to hang out with his friends. It's just nice to have him nearby and Lex is eating up his time with Uncle Karl because they can rough house, watch cartoons or both wear hats and sunglasses and look like studs. They are too funny.

Weekend work

I can handle doing this type of work on the weekend. :)