The best feeling

The best feeling in the world (next to the way I feel when Lex comes running up to me and gives me kisses after daycare) is how I feel after working out. Now I know the wii isn't going to give me as good of a workout as say going to the gym would but with how out of shape I am (no regular exercise in a good 3-5 years) it definitely helps. The next step is to work on my eating habits as I am totally addicted to sugar and caffeine. Food journal here I come.

I love Wii Fit!

My darling hubby got us a Wii and hunted down a wii fit for me and I love it! I've tried workout video games in the past and haven't been a fan but the wii fit is different in that it can tell how out of balance you are and it checks your weight and does fitness tests every day you use it. I had to laugh at it though because during one of the leg exercises it told me I was a "fitness enthusiast", and anyone who has seen a picture of my round body would know otherwise. I just happen to have pretty strong legs due to all the years of skating. If I could find a sitter for Wednesday nights I would probably hit up the roller derby practices and try to join that but I would want someone to go with me since I get kind of nervous in newer situations.

Our car is currently in the shop for a broken timing belt, it's been there since Friday and we were hoping to get it back today but since the shop closed a half hour ago it's obvious we aren't. So it looks like I'm taking a cab to Lex's daycare and then my work and hopefully we'll have it back by the end of the day so Nate can pick me up after work. If not we have two options, another cab ride or I can take the bus down to Lex's daycare and see if my parents can drop us off (they live 3 blocks from daycare) or do the bus and just use either a stroller or my moby wrap to carry him home if the weather isn't too cold.

I should log off and go cook dinner even if I'm not hungry the boys might be.

Nothing on the u/s

I had absolutely no follicles just my usual small cysts. This is incredibly frustrating.

After much thought and some discussion with Nate we've decided to hold off on further treatment until approximately Lex's birthday (October) in hopes that I can lose some weight and get healthy so that the process might be easier and then a subsequent pregnancy will be healthier than one would be right now. This also gives us time to set up a little savings to pay for treatment and hopefully a house.

The current plan of action involves me seeing my doctor in two weeks to discuss weight loss options. I am fully aware that I need to eat healthier and get my lard butt off the couch more but even when I do these things I have a harder time losing weight so I'm going to see what she can recommend. I've also asked Nate to buy me an ip.od (or some good mp3 player) and he plans on getting W.ii f.it with our tax re.turn.

So in the meantime I'm spreading my baby dust stores to all my friends who can use it.

Follie Check Tomorrow

Keep your fingers crossed for me! I've been using my monitor and it's still reading low so I called my dr's office and asked to have a follie check to see if anything is even growing from the femara. We are also supposed to do a post-coital test. I hope some follies are growing, I would hate to have this cycle be a wash.

Don't know what to do

I've hit the brickwall that comes when I ttc. I don't know if I want to continue or if I want to give up. I know we are only on our second cycle of medicated cycles but waking up everyday and peeing on the stick for the monitor and seeing the low reading pop up is heartbreaking. I want so much to be pregnant one more time and for Lex to have a younger sibling but deep down I keep thinking it'll never happen. It doesn't help that my sex drive has been in the crapper for years and isn't getting any better. Trying to convince myself to have sex when I don't want to sucks, Nate does it to and it makes me resent him. I hate going to work and getting upset when I see the pregnant girl I work with, it's not her fault my body doesn't work, it's not her fault that despite the fact she smokes and is highly stressed that her body works the way it's supposed to and I just need to get over it.

I guess today I'm just down in the dumps. Lex didn't sleep so well last night, I got a call chewing me out first thing this morning (I was apparently supposed to work but I don't look at my float schedule unless they send me one and I haven't gotten one in a month) and I just in general feel under the weather and the actual weather doesn't help, it's warmer (upper 30's) but it's raining so I can't even just get Lex out in the stroller.

Next Sunday is my 7 year anniversary of when Nate and I started dating, I can't believe it's been that long...

**Update**
I've come to a decision for ttcing. When I'm done with femara we'll re-evaluate how I'm feeling. I'm not temping anymore, just using my monitor. Hopefully this slightly laidback approach helps how I'm feeling.

Confident in our decision.

I am sooooo glad we switched daycares! Lex took off running when we dropped him off, the staff is super nice and we get a communication slip everyday that tells me how many diapers, how much he ate, when he took a nap and even if they played with something messy (today was cool whip and he has the sticky hair to prove it). He was napping when I picked him up and he looked so comfortable there in his little sleeping bag.

He's going for a full day tomorrow so we won't interrupt his naptime.

Some good news...

Lex starts at a new daycare tomorrow and I have the jitters about it again, I know he'll do just fine, he's a very outgoing little boy and in a room full of girls he'll be the mac daddy. :) He's only going for a half day tomorrow since that's what I work but I'm sure he'll enjoy his time there.

I had my annual physical today with my favorite doc. She ran through the usual stuff about my weight and getting more exercise but since she's a mom she said anything is better than nothing, rather than pushing the 30 minute minimum and then came the normal exam. She said she could barely see the scar from my c-section which is good I always wonder about it but with my big ole belly in the way I can't see it. She noted that my uterus felt a little large but since I just had AF a couple days ago that could be the cause. She didn't know anything about the CT scan I had so she had to find the results. Turns out I have a deviated septum, the opening to my right sinus is much smaller than it should be and I still have inflamation and a minor infection. We decided not to treat the infection further unless it becomes a problem later on. She will give me a referral down the road to get my septum repaired since I want to hold off until after we have another baby.

I was able to make it to my grandfather's funeral. Nate stayed home with Lex so I could attend, thankfully his teachers were understanding of the situation.

I should fold clothes and head to bed, gotta get up in a couple hours to pick up Nate from work.

No Good News

I tested this morning and the first test was a dud, no lines whatsoever. Second test was negative and spot was there to greet me right away. So I'm on to cycle number two. The difference this next cycle will be having the fertility monitor in order to tell me when to call my doc to do a follie check and possibly a trigger shot. I picked up my meds already so I'm just waiting for AF and my fertility monitor sticks (that were ordered two weeks ago and still haven't arrived... grrr).

My grandfather passed away on Saturday morning. This was a big shock. He went into the hospital a few days earlier and was put in ICU, he was moved to hospice Friday. Last I heard they were still unsure of why he died, could have been a massive infection or leukemia. Tomorrow is the wake and I'll be able to go to that since my aunt is watching Lex. Wednesday is the funeral and because my dcp has flaked on us yet again I won't be able to attend that.

Today was supposed to be my day "off". No Lex, no housework, the only thing I had to do was my sinus CT scan this afternoon. Lex was at daycare for all of 2 hours before our daycare lady called. Her fridge was broken and she had to close. She called me tonight to let me know she won't be open tomorrow because she still won't have a fridge and to tell me she sprained her rotator cuff and isn't supposed to do any lifting for a few days, she proceeds to tell me how she's on flexeril and darvocet. Like I'm going to want my son there while she's on darvocet, hell I don't watch Lex alone when I'm on darvocet let alone him and 7 other kids. This is not the first time she has flaked on us. I would say we are upwards of 10 days since Lex started there 3 1/2 months ago. We are in the market for a new daycare but no luck.

I think when Lex goes to bed I may have to curl up and cry for a while...

T minus 5 days

Only 5 days until I know for sure if my egg caught up with Nate's swimmers. That's right the femara appears to have worked. I'm eager to test even if it may not be positive. No real signs or symptoms yet, but that's alright.

I have been having some problems outside of the ttc ring. My joints have been aching to no avail. I have ulnar neuropathy in my right arm which often causes my elbow down through my fingers to hurt but lately my left hip and both shoulders have been bad too. I go see my dr on the 2nd for my annual physical so I'll ask her about it then. I worry about arthritis setting in this early, for goodness sake I'm 25.

Monday I'm supposed to have a CT scan of my sinuses since I was treated for a sinus infection back around Christmas and it doesn't seem to have cleared up. The headache is worse some days than others and I just hope this doesn't lead to another surgery, I'd kinda like to have only one more when it's time to have the next baby.

On a side note I want to send out a congrats to Nancy and her new man Karl, Elana for passing her 3 hour GTT and Katie for making it through her first day of work. Big hugs to Sarah R, let me know if there is anything I can do for you honey. And gentle hugs for Shayna, I know you are in a rough spot honey but when you hit bottom the only way to go is up, you are always in my thoughts.

Happy New Year

January 1st brought me the first cycle of treatment for baby number two. Today I start taking femara in hopes that I will ovulate and be so blessed as to catch the egg. To be honest I'm excited and nervous all at the same time. I'm excited to have a chance but nervous that it won't work. I'm okay with the possibility of not getting pregnant on the first go round but nervous that it won't even cause me to ovulate. And then comes the nervous nature if it does work and I get pregnant, I am nervous about how I'll be able to handle a 2 year old and newborn. I know it's do-able my mom did it with me and Karl but I know deep down I'm not as strong as she was. All I know is deep down I know my family isn't complete with just the three of us, I hope one more will settle my need for children since that's all Nate agrees to but time will tell. I have my fingers crossed that this cycle works.