Borrowed from a friend

I have this wonderful friend, we have never met in person but she is just amazing. Sometimes I wonder if she knows what I'm thinking as she always has the right things to say to me. This morning is Lex's last speech therapy through the hospital and to be honest I'm a little worried about switching to the birth to three since we have to wait a week for that transition to start but then I found this on my friend's blog this morning and after bringing me to tears I realized I am making the right choice for my son.

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures and a couple by habit.

This year, nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children. Did you ever wonder how mothers of handicapped children are chosen?

Somehow, I visualize God hovering over earth selecting His instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As He observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a giant ledger.

"Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron saint, Matthew.

"Forrest, Marjorie, daughter. Patron saint, Cecelia.

"Rudledge, Carrie, twins. Patron saint...give her Gerard, He's used to profanity."

Finally, He passes a name to an angel and smiles, "Give her a handicapped child."

The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy."

"Exactly," smiles God. "Could I give a handicapped child a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel."

"But has she patience?" asks the angel.

"I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she'll handle it.

"I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has his own world and that's not going to be easy."

"But Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."

God smiles. "No matter. I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness."

The angel gasps, "Selfishness? Is that a virtue?"

God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child who is less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a "spoken word." She will never consider a "step" ordinary. When her child says "Momma" for the first time, she will be present at a miracle and know it! When she describes a tree or sunset to her blind child, she will see it as few people ever see my creations.

"I will permit her to see clearly the things I see....ignorance, cruelty, prejudice... and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side."

"And what about her patron saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in mid-air.

God smiles. "A mirror will suffice."

By Erma Bombeck

Changes

Our life has been full of changes lately.

Nate's employer was bought out and we were told in order for him to keep his job we'd have to move 4 hours south. After much thought and a small argument we decided staying here was in our best interest.

I'm losing weight like crazy due to the help bye.tta gives me and the fact that I am trying really hard to work out daily. I even got the EA Sports act.ive today in hopes that will motivate me more. Overall I'm down 17 pounds since April by my scale, I'll see what the one at the dr office says on the 31st.

My favorite doctor in the whole world left the family practice I go to. I hope she has much success in her future endeavors. Dr S is absolutely wonderful, she was the resident when my induction with Lex was started and because of that wonderful experience of her sitting and watching Scrubs with us she was my family practice doc after my last one graduated. I see a new one on the 31st that I've heard good things about.

Lex is now going to be getting his speech therapy through the birth to 3 program. My little man is approximately 9 months behind on his vocal speech and a little less than that on other skills. I have high hopes for this change because they asked us what we wanted him to accomplish in 6 months and then how often we thought he should have therapy. His therapist will see him twice a week, once with us and once at daycare. They also gave us several ideas for us to work on things at home.

According to his OT evaluation at St Luke's he has a sensory processing disorder but the OT for birth to 3 thought it was more behavioral. While I can see her point I also look at the scores of the test she had me fill out and he is borderline for "performance at risk" on most of the sensory processing skills and actually at risk for his auditory processing. We'll see what time and hard work will do for him.

My baby is no longer a baby, he is definitely turning into a little kid. We have been venturing to a bigger park near our house and he likes to sit on the "big kid" swings and go down slides without me (good thing too I get sea sick going down the twisty slides). I'm really proud of my little guy and every day is a new adventure with him.

Waiting...

Last week we had an intake meeting with the birth to 3 program and now we are waiting for Lex to have his evaluations with the early childhood educator, speech-language pathologist and occupational therapist. I hate waiting when it comes to Lex and his already non-verbal nature. I know in the mean time he's in speech at St. Luke's but still. I think being at home would help him learn faster because he's just too interested in everything in Jack's office. All I know is that I'm thankful for some of the friend's I have who are being so supportive and helpful with all my fears.

Worry wart

I'm so worried about Lex's language skills even though we have him in speech therapy. I realized today I haven't heard him say hi or bye in a while (something he used to do anytime anyone waved to him) and he's only said Mama once in the past few weeks, when he fell down and skinned his elbow. He still babbles all the time and we "force" eye contact when we hand him things in that he has to look us in the eyes before he gets what he wants. I just don't know what to do to help him. I bought some cards with pictures and words on it to hopefully help in our understanding him and I try to get him to use his signs or words but it doesn't always work.

Who knew this Mommy thing would make me such a worry wart and slightly neurotic???

Why I love bye.tta... and other ramblings.

I've been on by.etta for 4 days and I've dropped a little more than 3 pounds with very little effort. I was told by the diabetic educator that on average her patients lose about 10-15 pounds in the first month of being on it. Then you add that I'm finally adjusting to synth.roid and I'm feeling pretty good. I need to get back on the wagon as far as exercise goes but that would require me actually getting up earlier than Lex most mornings.

Speaking of Lex my son it a nutcase. He went from sleeping until 8 most mornings to getting up no later than 6 and refusing to go to bed at his normal time. All I can figure is the sunlight is affecting his sleeping patterns because we have been outside more than normal due to nice weather (they have been at daycare too). He's also been a little harder for Nate to deal with, he tends to act out when his daddy is around. A prime example is what's going on right now, he runs up and shuts off the tv and cable box, Nate tells him no, removes him and turns them back on, and repeat. They missed speech therapy the other day because after I left for work Lex had a meltdown and they didn't make it out to the bus in time.

Tomorrow is my 6th wedding anniversary. Nate and I have our ups and downs but we have lasted this long so we can make it longer. I love my hubby, faults and all.

Some answers finally

I got a call back from Dr. Sprengler regarding my T3 and T4 levels and they were normal. This kind of threw her for a loop so she told me she was going to talk to the endocrinologist to find out what he would recommend. Today I was prescribed synth.roid and I'll check in with her in a couple of weeks to let her know how I'm doing. I hope this helps. Now I just need to keep up on the exercise since I've taken a couple days off to let my shoulder heal a bit. I haven't been eating as well but tomorrow I'm going grocery shopping so I'll have some more fresh fruit to snack on.

I'd like to make a request. If you are the praying type could you keep my brother and uncle in your prayers? They are both named Karl, my brother is heading to Afghanistan next month as a medic and my uncle is in Iraq as a communications specialist. I know they are doing their jobs for the country but I do worry. My brother worries me the most since as a medic he has to go off the base all the time whereas my uncle kind of stays put. My Aunt Jen (Uncle Karl's beautiful wife) has been so supportive even though she's the one that needs supporting. My parents are very worried about my brother and are regretting ever telling him that the Army would be good for him. Thanks in advance.

Let's play a game.

The name of the game is "What's wrong with Cate?"

Today I woke up like normal and started getting ready for work. While I was blow drying my hair I felt my muscle in my left shoulder lock up and then my hand got numb. This meant no work for me today. I went in and saw Dr. S in the sam practice as my favorite Dr. Sprengler and he gave me two injections of lidocaine to hopefully loosen up the muscle. It helped take of the edge for a little while but I am still pretty sore and took a muscle relaxer and pain killer to hopefully help a bit more.

I also asked about the results of the bloodwork I had drawn on the 6th since I'm impatient and hadn't gotten my letter yet. My hemoglobin A1c was great at 5.0 (this is how my blood sugar control has been for the last 3 months), my fasting glucose was 85 (again perfect), my lipids (cholesterol panel) were okay; I need to lower my triglycerides but no surprise there, the big surprise was my thyroid, I'm hypothyroid again, it was a massive swing from October when it was checked last. In October my result was 1.03 which is very normal, this last one was 5.83 (normal range goes to 4.0). So Dr. S said he'd tell Dr Sprengler he notified me of the results and ordered up the T4 and free thyroid to see what was going on with my thyroid this time. But in his feeling he thought I was just going to hypothyroid and eventually need medication. I should have guessed something was up since I've been exhausted lately but I chalked it up to lack of exercise, less than stellar diet and working more. I have a feeling synthroid is in my future.

Nate has been wonderful since school has gotten out for the summer. He takes Lex to speech therapy (and soon occupational therapy) and he's been helping with housework, making it so much easier for me to come home from work and play with Lex. He's taking tonight off to help me with Lex since I can barely carry my purse so I doubt that I could put him in the crib at night. I know sometimes I get down on him but he's a wonderful guy and I'm lucky to have him.

Congrats

I want to congratulate my friends Sarah and Angel on their good news. You two are both so deserving and I'm sending lots of sticky vibes.

Mommy guilt

After Lex's speech therapy today I'm experiencing a lot of guilt. Jack, his therapist, mentioned that he didn't think Lex was making as much progress as he was before. He also asked if we have an order for occupational therapy, we don't, because he thinks that a little occupational therapy would help with the speech. He wants us to continue trying to get Lex to do back and forth play and to sign "more" when he wants more of something, especially since Lex is looking for eye contact more. But with all this I'm feeling immense amounts of guilt. I feel guilty that we brought him to see a resident versus a pediatrician right off the bat. I feel guilty that we put him in front of the tv so much so we can get things done (cooking, cleaning and sleep for Nate). I feel guilty that I put him in the old daycare where he didn't have much interaction with the daycare owner since the tv was on all the time. I feel guilty that I agreed to pick up hours so that for the next month and a half I'll be working full time, cutting down the amount of time I can spend working on his speech and other "assignments" from therapy. I know this isn't all my fault and he'll never hold it against me but I still feel this way.

Making progress

Lex has gone to speech therapy 3 times so far and he's already making progress. His therapist Jack has noticed that with very little prompting now Lex will look us in the eyes to get what he wants. We are working on trying to teach him the sign for more and to do more back and forth play per recommendations of the therapist. I hope this means we are getting closer to words but I just don't know. Jack also said we'll be having Lex see Sheila who does the occupational therapy.

Little man went to see his pediatrician this week and she confirmed the he probably does have seasonal allergies so she advised we give him Zyrtec at least once daily so his eyes don't swell closed. I knew he was like me, most of my allergy symptoms are in my eyes.