So torn

I found out earlier this week that my eldest niece is currently expecting her first child and while I am happy and excited for her and her fiance, I'm also upset. Anyone who has dealt with infertility knows what I'm talking about, you can be so happy for the person expecting the blessing but you still have the thought "why not me?" and you have a hard time with that mixed emotion. I also worry about her, she just started college, she has a wedding to plan and there are some other concerns I'd rather not write about. Going to college and being pregnant was incredibly difficult and I had a one year program, I don't know how long her program is. I hear she has really bad morning sickness and although mine was bad I had been lucky in that my teachers understood, Nate spoiled me rotten and I had prescriptions for anti-nausea pills. I wish I could be down there for her, maybe that would be more therapeutic for me being there for her and my future great-niece/nephew (I for the record think she's having a girl...)

Operation get pregnant

Since Nate is on board to get preggers and I already know I'm pretty much back on the annovulatory bandwagon (my friends on facebook should check out the infertility cause I started) I'm scheming ways to hopefully get me pregnant before Lex's second birthday.

The first is the herbal route. I bought this tea called Fertilitea which contains vitex, red raspberry leaf, green tea, ladies mantle and nettle leaf. I'm also taking evening primrose oil in addition to my multivitamin (I can't swallow the prenatal vitamins without gagging so I take two chewable centrum) and calcium. I drink the tea 2-3 times a day and take 3 epo capsules.

The second is exercise. The only way to control PCOS aside from medication is diet and exercise. So I've made the decision that I really need to start exercising regularly. Right now the plan is to put Lex to bed at night and bust out the work out tapes on nights Nate works. On nights he's home I'll either attempt to make it up to the gym at the hospital or at the very least do yoga in the mornings.

The third plan is changing my diet. I am addicted to candy and sugar. I literally crave it all day every day so I need to limit the amount I intake. Not to mention the carbs I love so much (as I type this I'm chowing down on graham crackers). I need to become good friends with protein.

The fourth is getting some assistance from my doctor. I will ask her when I see her in a couple weeks about checking my hemoglobin a1c, random glucose, follicle stimulating hormone, lutenizing hormone, testosterone, and progesterone. Then if we can rationalize starting some sort of medication for my PCOS (thinking like metformin ... although I would prefer actos) we can get that started. Or heck she may refer me to an endocrinologist to see what he can recommend.

All in all I hope it doesn't take until Lex's 5th birthday to concieve another child.

One word.

Answer the following questions with single word responses. Then pass on the award to 7 other bloggers:

1. Where is your cell phone? Purse
2. Where is your significant other? Work
3. Your hair color? Red
4. Your mother? Gorgeous
5. Your father? Amazing
6. Your favorite thing? Sleep
7. Your dream last night? Dunno
8. Your dream/goal? Medicine
9. The room you’re in? Front
10. Your hobby? Playing
11. Your fear? Bees
12. Where do you want to be in six years? School
13. Where were you last night? Home
14. What you’re not? Strong
15. One of your wish list items? Baby
16. Where you grew up? Superior
17. The last thing you did? Nap
18. What are you wearing? PJs
19. Your T.V.? Playmates
20. Your pet? Cats
21. Your computer? Small
22. Your mood? Ok
23. Missing someone? No
24. Your car? Neon
25. Something you’re not wearing? Socks
26. Favorite store? Walmart
27. Your Summer? Short
28. Love someone? Absolutely
29. Your favorite color? Blue
30. When is the last time you laughed? Morning
31. Last time you cried? Yesterday

My seven...
1. Katie
2. Nancy
3. Sarah
4.Alison
5. Kailah
6. Jessi
7. Nicole

Bunnies

I've decided that there is nothing sexier than a man who goes on and on about how awesome spending the day with his son is and thus Nate and I have been like bunnies lately and I'm hoping my body will decide it's a good time to ovulate and we'll get lucky. I've been working with a very pregnant woman at work and the girl I'm covering for had a baby on Lex's birthday and brought him in this week so my baby fever is through the roof. I was watching news at my mom's house tonight and it showed a brother and sister, the sister was dressed as an angel and brother as a devil and I looked at Nate and said maybe we could do that next year... only I want two boys so we'd have to do something slightly different. Halloween is one of my favorite holidays because I love seeing all the kids dressed up and my son is no exception so I'll leave you all with a picture of our little cub.

Yay!

I've convinced Nate that we should try for another baby! I'm so excited! Now I just hope it won't take as long this time around but we'll see. My doc has told me that when we are ready to start using medications she'll be more than willing to help us out.

I really like Dr Sprengler, today we were discussing my celexa and I mentioned my nervousness in using it while we are ttc'ing because of the whole possibility of using it during early pregnancy so she called over to the OB office to find out what they would recommend if she needed to change it or I could stay on it and they told her it was their number one choice for post-partum depression moms that want to try for another baby. She also took a look in my ears because they've been bothering me for about a month now but when I went and had them looked at again before I was told there was no infection just fluid. When she looked today the eardrums were bulging with fluid but there was no sign of infection, however, she did a tympanometry test and my left eardrum moved like it was supposed to but the right one didn't move at all so she referred me to an ear, nose and throat (ENT) dr. There is a chance I'll need tubes she warned me but if it drains this damn fluid I'll be happy.

I'm still awaiting the results of the job interview, I hope I get the job but if not no loss, I can apply again for the new dr that will be hired this spring. Besides this was probably not a good week for me to interview... the day I interviewed I had a significant exposure (aka needle stick). I was giving immunizations and the baby moved and I tried to activate the needle cover to protect the baby and instead got my finger. Thankfully the blood tests the baby had done came back normal so far. I also got my certification papers this week and so I'll be getting a raise soon.

Frustrations

I've determined that I've been frustrated with life lately, the damn curveballs get to me more than they should and maybe it's because I feel like I'm deserving of some things that maybe I'm not. I feel like getting pregnant this time around should be easier, after all 4 1/2 years of tears and frustrations to have Lex felt like more than necessary. I feel that my husband should be more willing to try for another baby because that means more sex something he always wants. I feel that he should want to see me happy with two little children because I put in so much work here taking care of our house and our son and really another child is all I want. I feel like I deserve the job I'm applying for tomorrow because I've put in my dues doing float work, coming in when needed and not scheduled, working hard to learn what I need to do at each clinic, fighting to fit in at clinic after clinic. I feel that my friend who's been ttcing for so damn long should be blessed with a child before any other woman I know who hasn't been through that long journey is. I know life isn't fair but wouldn't it be nice if it was once in a while?

Weepy

One of the girls I was originally trying to concieve with had her second son yesterday and despite my joy for her I'm depressed. I want a second child more than anything and Nate's not ready and I'm not sure I'll be able to concieve again. Ugh! Why can't it be easier???

Favor please

I have a friend I met through DH who is currently in Iraq on her second tour there. She was supposed to be out of the Army a year ago but was prevented from leaving due to her job and rank. While there she rescued a puppy and he has become her life saver (literally, she has suffered from depression horribly while there, I worry about her immensely). She was having this puppy sent home through a program that would have brought him back to Minnesota to live with her parents until she came home in the next year, however, he was confiscated by the military due to a rule that prevents soldiers from befriending animals and now faces almost certain death. Long story short there is now a petition that her family has placed on the internet that will go to commanding officers once it has enough signatures requesting that Ratchet's life be spared and he allowed to be able to come back to the states to wait for her. If you could be so kind as to sign it I know Gwen would be forever grateful and I will be too. TIA!

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/release-ratchet-from-iraq-now

Gastroenteritis is no fun

Friday was not a good day. After doing all my running and getting all the stuff for Lex's parties picked up we sat down for a not so healthy lunch of Burger King. Immediately following I started to feel nauseated so I took one of Nate's anti-nausea pills (something I know better than to do without a prescription but I felt awful) and we took a family nap (Nate had to work a double and it was Lex's nap time anyway). When I woke up with Lex two hours later I had to run to the bathroom, everytime I stood up I had to sit back down, it was not a good situation. I could feel myself getting dehydrated and I had some pretty bad abdominal pain so I went to the ER. Got there about 7pm and started throwing up in the waiting room. Since I wasn't high up on the priority list and it was relatively busy I ended up not getting into a room for 3 hours. Once I was in my room the dr came in pretty quick and got an IV with zofran and morphine started for me. I had a CT scan that came back clean (although they said they couldn't see my appendix and they weren't happy that it wasn't done with contrast but I'm allergic to the contrast so I wasn't about to let them inject me with it and add a rash to my GI symptoms). So by 3am when they discharged me I was exhausted still nauseated and ready to go home and go to bed. Nate was working a double so he had to leave right after he picked up my prescriptions for me. Being the sweet hubby he is he called my mom in the morning and asked her to pick up Lex for me so I could get some sleep, it was nice to not worry about him all day and to get the much needed rest. I'm still exhausted and not feeling that great but I'm keeping food down and not having to rush to the bathroom.

Hopefully this week goes well since I have to clean our entire apartment and get ready for his party next weekend. We have one thing done, Lex got his hair cut today and he looks like a boy again instead of girly lol.

Copycat

MyHeritage: Look-alike Meter - Ancestory - Geneology

After seeing Jessi's and Shay's I decided to give it a shot too.